Suspending the need to know

As a small child, I heard voices. They weren't always pleasant or benign. An already highly strung child, I was frightened by the voices. I wanted them to stop. And they did. But a ringing in my ears continued.

Photo by Emmanuel Ikwuegbu on Unsplash

Aged nine or ten years old, I complained of it enough for my parents to take me to the doctor, then specialists, for all kinds of tests: on my hearing and my brain. Nothing was found to be wrong.

And thirty years later, still my ears ring. Every minute of every day. But it's not frightening or confusing anymore. It's a reminder: There isn't always an answer. Things don't always work in the way they're "supposed" to. Some things aren't explainable, and even the experts can't always give you an answer when you ask "why?" Some things are unknowable apart from through your own experience and for me, this is a truth to treasure.

Scientists are now telling us that practises like breathwork, mindfulness and other forms of meditation have all kinds of positive effects on our brains, bodies and wellbeing. Yet thousands of years of human experience and sacred scripture tell us the breath matters and has a positive effect on the way we live.

In the 21st century age of information, perhaps surrendering the need to know the how and the why, is at least equally as important as the practise of meditation itself, in whatever form.