What a jigsaw puzzle showed me about my brain
This weekend I spent most of Sunday doing a 500 piece puzzle. For the puzzle-fiends amongst you, I'm aware that'll seem like no big deal, but I think the biggest puzzle I've ever attempted prior to this was recommended on the box for 7 year olds, so this is progress.
Photo by Benjamin Zanatta on Unsplash
It struck me that the way one approaches completing a puzzle could be quite telling. Here's what I noticed that interested me.
I spent the best part of my day doing the puzzle and was so engrossed I forgot to feed myself or drink anything
It was so much fun and felt so pleasurable, yet I heard myself tell my partner later in the day that I felt "bad" for having "wasted the whole day" on something so indulgent when asked why I felt it was a waste, I replied it was too much fun
Towards the end, when it got really hard because I was so tired (and hungry and dehydrated, not that I noticed this) I was cursing the puzzle and myself for feeling so compelled to complete it, but giving up was not an option (even though I hated it by this point and really wanted it to be over)
Funny how revealing one’s approach to such a simple task can be!
Forgetting to feed myself and take care of my basic needs (easily done for ND people due to poor interoception)
Feeling something is only worthy if it's hard work, rather than fun, pleasurable and relaxing (internalised capitalism)
Not able to leave something incomplete and come back to it later after a break, even when it's stopped feeling like fun (time blindness/hyperfocus and difficulty task switching are ND traits)
What this puzzle taught me was something to take into the way I approach creativity - more intention, little and often, slow and steady (and well fed, watered and rested) is the key and it’s something for me to be even more mindful of because my brain is wired differently. I am inclined to hyperfocus and struggle with switching task and I don’t notice my basic needs when I’m focused. Incidentally, interoception is something breathwork is thought to improve.
It's something that I couldn't help relating to social media/high churn/short form content/creativity versus long form content/creativity. Long form requires more thought and a different sort of prolonged effort (and therefore more rest, breaks, care). It’s a mindset shift to move from one type of creativity to another. In some ways, changing my approach from a high churn/shorter form output to longer form is starting again, I’m having to recalibrate accordingly and learn a new approach. Not everyone has the privilege of time and space to do so. Possibly a person with another sort of brain would find it easy to make the shift, I don’t know.
The reason my creative writing teacher gave for shifting her creative practise from novel writing to poetry was novels take years to write whereas poetry is quicker. Important to note that my teacher is a woman, which tends to mean more demands on time for the reasons we're all familiar with - greater domestic load, responsibility for dependants etc. I suppose this might be why social media has a high proportion of women selling their wares on it too and it’s definitely a positive thing that social media has opened the world up in this way (even if it’s too much for me to cope with).
No conclusions here, just meandering thoughts. Welcome.
By the way, when I got to the end of the puzzle there were two pieces missing and one random piece that didn't appear to fit in either of the two remaining gaps, which frankly just felt like the universe laughing it's head off at me. Next time, I’ll line up snacks and meals before settling in for the day.
